How to forgive
Forgiveness isn’t exactly a one-size-fits-all.
What you need to forgive someone for could be something minor – an accidental slip-up in conversation, or a harsh word when emotions were running high, for example.
It could be something serious but manageable, such as being cheated on, or someone crashing into your car, or stealing something from you.
And, lastly, it could be something life-changing, earth-shattering and so deeply traumatic that you spend endless days and nights processing and working through whatever it is you endured.
The thing about forgiveness is, it’s possible for all three of these scenarios.
Of course, the more serious something is, the more difficult it can be to forgive the person or people who hurt you. Someone verbally insulting you on one occasion when they were angry, and them apologising afterwards, is a lot easier to forgive than someone putting you through verbal, mental and emotional torture for days, weeks or months on end.
Again, just as an example.
Some people consider being hurt by something as small as their best friend copying their prom dress, or their father not buying them a car. Others experience war, r*pe, abuse, bullying, racial trauma, domestic violence and religious discrimination.
Perspective is a wonderful thing. So as you’re reading this, if there’s someone you think you’d like to forgive, first think about whether they even need to be forgiven, or if it’d be easier for you to just let it go.
However, some things are so hurtful and traumatic that letting it go simply isn’t an option.
You need to process it, work through it, face the difficult emotions and memories head-on, learn how to cope, and move forward.
And it’s not an overnight job. It can take weeks, or months. For some, it can take years.
But in every scenario, it’s my opinion that forgiveness should be the end goal. I fully understand that some people simply don’t deserve to be forgiven for what they’ve done. However, in order to be able to move on with your life, forgiving them is what will set your mind free.
Holding a grudge and gripping onto the hatred you have for them will only keep you in that headspace. It will keep a part of your brain locked in the time capsule of being hurt or traumatised. If you refuse to forgive someone, they still hold some form of power over you, because you’re actively choosing to keep them in a dark place in your mind, as opposed to them not being there at all.
That’s what forgiveness can do. It sets you free. It clears them from your mind and your subconscious. It’s not a quick fix, and it certainly doesn’t mean it’ll wipe your memory clean of what happened. But forgiving whoever changed your life path in a bad way will help you steer yourself back on track, and leave the potholes and floods and everything that nearly flipped your vehicle all behind you. It’ll be so far in the distance that you can barely see it in your rear view mirror.
In a nutshell, you should just consider it. Even if at this point you don’t want to forgive them – think about it. Weigh it up. Will it help you, or hinder you? Will it keep you detained, or help you spread your wings?
I hope to see you flying through the sky beside me one day. The view is great from up here.
